crunchy parenting

Let�s face it. Even as a first-time parent, I noticed that most diaper bags are impractical, overly bulky or just downright ugly. After doing a bit of online research on the topic, I came to the conclusion that you carry the most stuff around when they�re small: burp clothes, feeding equipment, swaddling blankets, carriers, several changes of clothes, etc. A friend suggested to me the brilliant idea of looking up the features that appealed to me to make your own diaper bag and fitting it out with baby gear. This turned out to be awesome advice. Here�s an idea of what you may need to carry for the first 6 months / 1 year:

• Diapers
• Wipes
• Changing pad
• Swaddling blanket
• Baby carrier (no Baby Bjorns, please!)
• Burp cloths
• Pacifiers / teethers
• 1-2 Baby toys
• Diaper cream
• Bottles, formula, etc., if youâ��re feeding formula
• Extra nursing pads, if youâ��re nursing
• Extra change of clothes or two

I opted for the Dakine Valet (via Zappos). It�s big, roomy and stands open on it�s own to find things easily. It has a padded laptop area that fits my 13� Macbook for when I stopped by work with the baby, or to be used as my carry-on bag on long flights and brought my computer with me. (It has a slip-over panel on the back to attach over your rolling suitcase handle.) It would be perfect for a padded iPad/Kindle/eReader slot. There�s a slim external zip pocket that I used for phone/wallet and an external buckle pocket that I used for small, less valuable items like sanitizer, etc. I loved that this thing had plenty of room for cloth diapers, rolled up blankets, clothes, etc and often used it as the baby�s �weekend bag� when I went to visit my mother. The downsides were the straps and handles. The shoulder strap always felt uncomfortable to me, and the width of the bag on my small 5�2� frame made carrying it over my shoulder rather clunky. I eventually just removed the shoulder strap and used the handles as both grab handles and over-the-shoulder straps.

I also love using Eagle Creek packing cubes for organizing stuff in bigger bags and will be using them to separate my two kids� things in one diaper bag. They�re collapsible, zippered bags with a mesh top so you can see what�s inside. The Eagle Creek Double-Sided Half Packing Cubes were practically meant for kids; one side is breathable mesh for clean clothes, the other is waterproofed and sealed in for the soiled clothes!

Like with most things, the first few months are the most awkward. I suggest packing a full kit for everywhere you go for the first month and try scaling back on the things you don�t need as you go. For example, I had small changing pad, but quickly found it was easier to just change her on an extra receiving blanket instead; it rolled up smaller and could be washed and dried with regular laundry.

Walk into any major toy store these days and you’ll find no shortage of things for your children to do. Thay can play with cars and trains, or dolls and ponies, build houses, and more. Yet, in spite of what appears to be an amazing selection, I’ve started to look at toy stores differently since becoming a conscientious parent.

I walk through the aisles and I see pre-fabricated stories being offered to my child. Virtually gone are the simple block toys that could double for a phone as easily as a fire truck. Now, children choose their adventures from predetermined lists. If you want to play with horses, you have to choose between the pink and purple My Little Pony sets or perhaps an immaculate Barbie-as-an-equestrian set. (Not to mention the limitations if you, or your child, happen to be a minority.) The tragedy of this arrangement is that more and more of the toys in toy stores are just profitable spin-offs from their television or home DVD shows. If you doubt this, I beg you to help me come up with one example of a kids’ TV show that doesn’t have some kind of product for sale. Even that old educational favorite, Sesame Street, can be found in some toy, drink, or item available for purchase in every town across America.

Now, I’m not advocating we eschew all modern entertainment for children. (Well, not entirely.) But there’s something to be said for letting young children discover the natural world around them in their own time and experience, rather than having it thrust upon them in these preconceived ways. More and more educational experts are coming around to the idea that smart, successful young adults are born from children who have been allowed to explore their imagination to the fullest extent. Creative play is slowly making its way back into mainstream parenting, as society realizes that by putting play first, a genuine passion and love of learning will follow.

So, how do you encourage creative play in your babies and toddlers, or wild imagination in your young children?

• Get rid of your television. (If you have a TV and didn’t click on the link, please do. There’s a reason this is the first step!)

• Weed through your children’s toys with your newfound critical eye. For example, how “open-ended” is that Lego Atlantis toy set? Regular Legos are great in that they encourage the child to think of new and different combinations, but some of the pre-fab sets are less creative. Start small and fill one grocery bag with toys to give away this week.

• Try out simple toys with your kids. It never fails to amaze me how long my 2-year-old can be occupied with a sand shovel and some dirt. Other cheap ideas are paint & paper, sidewalk chalk, or a hose, a bucket and some plastic cups with holes punched in the bottom. For older kids, you have to get a little more creative, but most still want to be be helpful. Try things like having them rearrange the pantry items by color, or pick out things they’d like to plant from a garden book or website.

• Be patient. Like sugar-addicts coming down off the Ho-Hos, kids that have been used to high-energy electronic toys or lots of TV time are going to take a little while to get used to playing with a stick and some mud, or a pile of wooden blocks. Resist the temptation to park them in front of the TV or your iPad even for “just a few minutes”. Tossing them outdoors with some toys and a bucket of snacks can work wonders on bored kids and your sanity.

If you’re in the market for new toys, check out Amazon’s great selection of natural toys or visit sites like Rosie Hippo and Moolka for more creative, imagination-firing ideas.

We’ve all heard it. Excessive TV watching is bad for you. You know you do it. You have it on in the evening and end up parked there for longer than you planned. Or maybe you find yourself guilty of parking your toddler in front of it for “just one Blues Clues” while you catch your breath. You’re sometimes tempted to scale back and turn it off more, or even get rid of it, but how would you get by? Don’t you need it to keep up with what’s going on in the world?

(If you happen to be one of the lucky few that is perfectly happy with your TV watching habits, the Simple Dollar offers some financial reasons to consider, while Trash Your TV has some fascinating facts about TV watching statistics.)

As a parent, I’m quite cautious about what my child are being exposed to. I want to be as aware of the potential for damage or danger as I can, and that makes me naturally suspicious of television, the great black box (or flatscreen) of advertising. Because, let’s face it, that’s what it is. At the same time, I can happily veg out in front of it for mindless entertainment in the form of True Blood and Vampire Diaries. The difference between adult viewing and child viewing is that when I watch TV, I’m aware of it’s time-sucking tendencies, unrealistic portrayal of life and ad-driven content. Children are oblivious to this, which is why (in a very simple fashion) TV is so bad for them.

But, the spouse and I like a handful of shows and such, so our household is set up to reschedule TV around our real life, when our daughter is awake. Here’s how we watch no TV during the day:

• Move the TV to a less central location of the house. We technically only have one TV and it’s in a small upstairs area that maybe only seats two or three, via floor chairs and one armchair. Our other TV is a projector in our guest room/office. Neither is convenient enough to just switch on as I go by to justify watching for even a few minutes, which keeps me from being lured in for the afternoon.
• Get a TiVo ($) or other TV recording device. Pre-recording your favorite shows means you can watch them on your own time, and skip the commercials.
• Get Netflix ($) and/or Hulu (free). Another great way to catch up on shows and movies that you like. If you also have TiVo, there’s an added bonus; without seeing commercials, you tend to miss out on all those great (and not so great) shows coming out. But if you get hooked on your friends’ water cooler excitement and want to catch up on a show that’s been running, you can find previous episodes or seasons on Netflix or Hulu.
• Do something else. If you (or your kids) are already hooked on the juice, then find something else to do fast! Draft up a list in advance of things to do (park, museum, library, hiking, etc.) and stick to it. Pick outdoor things as much as possible to reduce the possibility of giving in. Or pick indoor things that are messy (painting, baking, etc.) to give them (or you) a reason not to touch the remote.

For more tips on reducing your TV watching, check out Trash Your TV and 43 Things To Do When You Stop Watching Television.

A successful bedtime starts with a successful before-bed ritual. Would you go jogging for an hour and then throw your sweaty self down in bed to sleep? Probably not. Likewise, toddlers need a winding-down transition after dinner to get ready for sleep. Here are some ideas:

• Start with an evening bathtime ritual that works for you. If you’re not giving night-time baths, re-consider the idea. An evening bath can be relaxing for you and your child, or a good way for a working-outside parent to reconnect before bedtime. If it really just won’t work for you right now, consider a quick “towel bath” with a warm washcloth before changing for sleep.

• Prep the bedroom beforehand. Get out the sleepwear, clean diapers, socks, etc. before or during dinner. Straighten out the crib, put toys away, etc. This is a 2-minute task, not a spring cleaning operation.

• Light a candle with an older toddler. Do it just before sitting down to dinner, and take it with you to the bath for bathtime, and then to the bedroom while they get ready for bed. After saying their goodnights, let them blow it out before going to bed.

• Sing a bedtime song and create your own after-bath, before-sleep ritual. Ours is to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” while getting out of the bath, then to brush teeth while still wrapped in a towel. (If you’ve ever wrapped a cat or dog in a towel to trim their nails or such, it’s a very similar strategy.)

• Make saying “goodnight” interactive. As you dress them for sleep, say goodnight aloud to family and caregivers, or other things your child has interacted with that day. We start with immediate family (“good night, Grandma”) and move on to objects and toys (“good night, squirrels”). This is a good low-key way to keep them occupied while you try to get them changed. If your child is talking, you can have them repeat each goodnight after you, but don’t correct them or force them; it might be too much for a tired little brain.

• Set the mood for sleep. Tuck them in, dim the lights. For trouble sleeping, consider playing soft classical, or a white noise track. We used a $.99 track of ocean waves and a soft heartbeat for the first year of bedtime and naptime; I’m sure it could put her to sleep in an instant even now.

As always, do your best to give them the reassurance of a routine, but don’t feel guilty if something unexpected comes up. Just scratch an ‘x’ through the day and start over tomorrow!h2. Your title here…

I’ve seen some god-awful highchairs in my time. I remember one in particular that had a popular name brand attached to it. From looks alone, it seemed kinda classy – wood high chair, with rounded corners and some plastic bit over the arms so you could attach a tray to it. But it was clunky and looked terrible actually pulled up to the dining table. Plus, it was a nightmare to clean food bits out from all those tiny corners.

I saw the Tripp Trapp chair by Stokke for the first time at a friend’s house. It was simple, looked easy to clean and was equally elegant pulled up to their dining table. I loved that there was no feeding-the-kid-in-the-kitchen bit, but rather a family-centered focus that everyone sits at the dining table to eat dinner, no matter the age.

Some neat things about the Tripp Trapp chair:

• Easy to clean. You can even take it completely apart for deep cleaning.
• Adjusts as they grow. Kids love things that fit them right.
• Sturdy enough for a small-to-average adult to sit in. Solid, hard to tip over.

Some not-so-neat things about the Tripp Trapp chair:

• Seat belt on the American version. It’s a loose strap, 5-point harness, but it’s permanently screwed into the seat. Great with they’re small, but super annoying once they get olders. The European versions don’t have this, which makes it look and feel more like a real chair for older kids.
• Don’t lose that hex screwdriver dongle! Bolts are fastened with hex screws. Not impossible to find screwdrivers like that, but potentially frustrating when you’re trying to find the only one you own and pass up several Phillips and flathead ones in the search.
• Baby insert on the American version. I recently noticed that the baby insert on the European version is different again from the American one. The US one is a wide, curved plastic piece that attaches to the front of the chair. The effect is that of having two small holes for your baby’s legs to slip into, kind of like on shopping carts. The European version feels much more classy and spacious: a slender wooden band shaped like a ‘T’ that keeps your child from slipping down and out, matched to the finish of the chair itself. We could have used the insert a lot longer with our large, tall child if we’d had the European-style one instead.

We’re going to need another one for Widget #2, so I’m definitely going to try and get the Euro version this time. Also, if the price freaks you out, don’t forget to look on eBay and craigslist for used ones in good condition – I imagine these chairs can last a lifetime.

Being pregnant again feels so different from the first time around. After my first peeing-on-the-stick experience, I had the rollercoaster emotions of shock, happiness, disbelief, wonder and more than a little frustration at the timing. This time, I just looked at it and went “Huh”. Then I sat quietly on the news for almost a week while I did a few more tests before mentioning it to the spouse.

Stuff that’s the same:

• Morning sickness. Toothpaste, cat puke, trashcans. Except now I can add ‘poopy diapers’ to that list. Joy.
• The way people look at you. Or rather, the way people look at me, since I look like a 16-year-old pregnant unwed teenager with a toddler on her hip.
• Gratefulness for midwives. They are angels of pregnancy and I weep at the thought of ever having to go through nine months of this without them.
• Love of milk. I don’t get this at all since I’m only so-so about milk, but when pregnant, I drink about a gallon a week. Bizarre.

Stuff that’s different:

• More tired this time. Everyone keeps saying that it’s because I’m running behind a toddler, but from the state of the house, laundry piles and kitchen dishes, I can firmly say that I’m not doing much around here lately. :-/
• Itching to find out the gender. With baby #1, I was more curious to know the personality in there than the gender. This time around, I’m dying to know what clothes to keep, what to start knitting, and so on.
• Less twitchy friends and family. It’s amazing how little the people around me comment on the ever-expanding baby bump! It seemed like last time, that was the only topic of conversation, ever. Now, it’s a barely remembered after-thought to ask how I’m doing, while generally waving in the direction of the bump. Not that I mind too much, though. It’s kinda relaxing to know no one else is stressing.

I’m sure there’ll be more to share from this new experience in old trenches, and I’ll try to write them down before they evaporate from my shaggy preggo brain. :-)

Ah, bathtime. It’s the end of the day, and often a tired, cranky scramble for parents and small ones alike. Here are some small tips to get the littles ones down as peacefully peacefully as possible.

• No sweets after dinner. Keep dinner as nutritious as possible, but eliminate candy-like desserts. This means no chocolate, ice cream or sugars. Our standard dessert right after dinner is a little bit of fruit, anything from bananas or watermelon to strawberries. (After our kid’s in bed, my husband and I might indulge in a little ice cream or such, but the fruit helps curb our “bad dessert” habits a little.) This is easier if you never give your older baby or toddler candy, ice cream, or chocolate, but you can start this anytime and their taste buds will adapt eventually. Aside from the obvious health reasons, less sugar with dinner means a less sugar-highs and therefore, a less cranky kid through bathtime and bedtime.
• Get as much possible ready beforehand. For me, this means sneaking off during dessert and getting the bathroom and bedroom ready. I straighten out the crib blankets and toys so everything looks neat and inviting (30 seconds). I lay out on the bed pyjamas, sleeper, socks, and a clean diaper ready-to-go (30 seconds). A quick check in the bathroom to make sure there’s a soap, toys, washcloths and a clean towel within easy reach of the tub (30 seconds). Note that this isn’t cleaning up! It’s just getting the important stuff ready.
• Sing a song on the way to the bath. We sing one I made up and am actually rather proud of. The “Rubber Ducky Song” from Sesame Street also works if you can’t think up one. But the trick is to make singing the song on the way to the bath a daily ritual. Now our little girl will often start humming the song herself towards the end of dinner. Not always, though. Sometimes she shakes her head ‘no’ when we start singing it, in which case we have to get inventive as to how to get her to the bath. :-)
• Trade bathtime duties with a partner, if possible. Since I have our daughter most of the day while my husband is at the office, he does bathtime most nights. This gives him some time to spend with our daughter in the evening, while I unwind for a little bit and read my Twitter feed. ;-)
• Get a few toys, nothing special and not too many. Washcloths, sponge cars, cups for pouring. I stay away from electronic toys or things that make loud noises for night-time baths; you don’t want your kids getting riled up at bedtime. Toddlers need few toys to be entertained and you also don’t want them so entertained that they don’t want to leave the bath.
• Make a game of washing fickle parts, like “yuckies” behind the ears or “sugar bugs” from teeth. As adults, we tend to think these games “get old” after a few times, but toddlers actually thrive on repetition and routine. It can take months for a toddler to become bored with something and by then you can change it up just a little to make it into something entirely new.
• Give them a clear sense of what’s going to happen next. This can be done by starting to sing a reserved bedtime song while on the way out of the bath. (Ours is “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.) You can also verbally walk your child through the rest of the evening’s schedule in three steps or less: “We’re going to get dressed for bedtime, then look out the window and say “good night, everybody”, then cuddle in bed and go to sleep.”

The key is to keep it simple, and repeat it the same way as much as possible so that they learn the routine. Eventually, it becomes ingrained as simply “what they do next” and less of something to fight or cry about. Setting clear rituals for your children is a great way to set boundaries and guidelines with them in a gentle, loving way.

Just about every pregnant mother has heard about the importance of exercising when you’re pregnant, but how many mothers truly commit to it over nine months? Pregnancy and childbirth is just like a marathon, and while you can never guarantee the outcome, you have the best chance of finishing well if you train well. Like any other athlete, this means proper nutrition and solid exercise. Check with your midwife or ob/gyn if you have any conditions outside a normal pregnancy, like hypertension, etc.; they can give you suggestions for starting exercise safely. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re five months along and have yet to get started; it’s never too late to start. Here are three easy pregnancy exercises you can start right now.

• Stretching. Yes, this counts! Stretching regularly throughout your pregnancy is a great way to enhance your flexibility in preparation for the Big Event, and is a proven way to loosen up and relax anytime, anywhere. Try shoulder circles for a tense back, or slow waist twists to ease middle-back tension. Stretch slowly and frequently, but be careful not to overdo it – increased amounts of the hormone relaxin during pregnancy are already at work to loosen up your joints.
• Walking. I know, I know you’ve heard this one before, too, right? Well, that’s because walking is great cardio for a pregnant body, low impact on those loosening joints, and absolutely free. If you’re in the market for new walking shoes, search out your local running shoe store; they’ll likely have someone qualified to watch you waddle walk and fit the best shoes for your changing body. But if you’re on a budget, or can’t find a running store, don’t let that stop you — lace up your most comfortable walking shoes and get walking! Start small, with 5-10 minutes a day, and work your way up. Also remember that speed isn’t important, but watch your form, keep your back straight and mind you footing. Walking is not only something you should do throughout your pregnancy, but is a MUST in labor, so get started now.
• Yoga. Not just for hippies anymore, prenatal yoga is a great way to stay in shape during pregnancy. Try to find a local yoga studio that offers prenatal yoga and feels right to you. Not only are the movements tailored to your new form, but often good prenatal instructors will start a class by asking how everyone’s feeling and what areas they’d like to work on. This is where you would raise your and complain lightly about how awful your lower back is feeling. More than likely, other mothers are feeling your pain (literally), and there are all kinds of pregnancy-safe exercises that can give you relief. Plus, it’s an amazing way to meet other mothers on the same journey. And in a pinch, don’t forget to look up online prenatal yoga routines or YouTube prenatal yoga exercises you can do at home.

Trust me, I know how hard it is to drag yourself out of bed, or off the couch when you’re feeling tired and blah, but if you can just get over the hump of the first few times, you’ll start to feel better and set the groundwork for a great healthy pregnancy.

I have a lot of respect for working mothers of small children. I say this because I am one, and I know how tough it is firsthand. :-) I have the luxury of being employed by my husband’s business, which had given me so much more latitude than most working mothers ever have. Still, I’ve recently decided to quit working outside the home.

(On a side note, I think it’s important to stress the “outside the home” part, since what we parents do at home is tougher and more tiring than most “outside” jobs, as well as frequently thankless.)

Juggling home, family, toddler and spouse has been a nightmare. I’ve been tense all day, stressed at night and slowly falling apart. My husband wants to be supportive, but he’s just as tired and stressed as I am. For the past week whirlwind weeks, we’ve only seen our toddler in the morning before running off to work, and in the late afternoon when we get back. There’s barely enough time to make dinner and give her a bath before putting her to sleep. I miss her, I really do. I even had the babysitter start a small journal to fill us in on meals, new things she does, etc., because I realized just how much we were missing out on. After slogging through it all and several mini-breakdowns, I came to a conclusion.

This is not how I want to raise my child or take care of my family.

After discussing it together over the past few weeks, sometimes in arguments, sometimes while just quietly cuddling, we’ve come to the conclusion that the best thing for the family right now is for me return to the work at home and work on my abandoned writing career. For once, I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s not like when my daughter was three months old, and how trapped at home with her I felt. Now, she’s almost two, and the thought of getting the house organized, taking her to (more) playdates and outings sounds fun and encouraging. Not to mention the second child dear hubby and I were putting off because of our mad work schedules…

I know it won’t be a literal walk in the park, but at least this time I’m going into it with my eyes open. I know now that I’ll need to carve out some “me” time in advance: time to knit, write or go out for evening drinks with girlfriends. I know I’ll have to keep myself just as on-task at home as I have with my previous “outside” job.

Most importantly, I know I need to reach out to other women online and locally to form a better SAHM/WAHM support network, women who have gone through the same and have stories and jokes to get me through it. :-) How do you feel about your current role as a working mother, either inside or outside of the home? If you’re in the same boat, or even the same ocean, I’d love to hear from you.

• Spinach. It’s full of vitamins A, C and K, as well as high in folic acid and iron. Other leafy greens like collard greens and kale are great substitutes.
• Blueberries. They’re rich in antioxidants and have vitamin C and manganese.
• Apples. There’s a reason for the whole “apple a day” line. They’re portable, delicious and a great source of fiber and vitamin C.
• Lean chicken/beans/nuts. The average healthy woman needs between 60-90g of protein per day while pregnant. Lean meats are the best source for meat-eaters; beans & rice and nuts, for vegetarians.
• Lowfat yogurt. Loaded with probiotics and calcium, yogurt is a great addition to almost any meal. (I like mine with cereal.)

And don’t forget to go for the organic versions of these foods whenever possible. A safe rule to follow is that if you can’t peel it, it’s safer to go organic.